Friday, January 5, 2018

The man who could talk to flies.

This story dates back to the time when the Saradites were first defeated by Baxter.

Saradites

Baxter
It tells the fascinating story of Ardenote, a man originally form Sheba, who served in Baxter's army.


Ardenote
During the final battle with the Saradites Ardenote was hit of the head with the handle of a sword. He spent eight months in a tent near the great Comodian Desert (not to be confused with Comodian Dessert that was popular in biblical times) recovering his wits.


Comodian Desert


Comodian Dessert

Eight months near a desert listening to the buzzing of flies.


Ardenote had nothing to do but to listen to the buzzing. He started to discern different pitches. A little while later he heard certain inflections that seemed to occur more frequently. Then, finally he started to pick up sentences.
"Found dead rat."
"Me come sit on it."
"Man in tent stink good."
"This good rotting food."

One day a fly landed on his forearm.
Without thinking, or planning to, Ardenote spoke in fly.
"What you want?"
"Just rest and smell arm." the fly replied.
"Okay." Ardenote said. "Do you have a name?"
"Me called Andrew." the fly said.

Andrew the fly

"Is that a Hebrew name?"
"Me don't know."
Then Ardenote asked a question that everybody asked in those days.
"Do you believe in God?"
"Sure." the fly replied.
"What sort of a god?"
"We're Christians. Well, when me say 'we' me mean most flies. Some still believe in Maggot, the great fly god."
"So you flies expect to go to Heaven?" Ardenote quizzed.
"How you think those fly shit stains get on bibles? We read Hebrew pretty well."
"But what would flies do in Heaven?"
"What would humans do? At least, if we there, they could try to swat us."
Ardenote laughed. The fly made good sense.
Andrew was in a chatty mood, so he continued...
"Humans make some big mistakes when they translate the bible. They talk about The Holy Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Humans misread the bible. It actually talks about The Holy Quartet - God The Father, God The Son, The Holy Spirit and The Holy Fly.
This annoyed Ardenote and he tried to swat Andrew, but Andrew was too fast and he flew around the inside of the tent shouting,
"Missed me just like you missed The Holy Quartet! You humans got it wrong! Woe, woe!*"
Ardenote apologised to Andrew for trying to swat him and Andrew accepted the apology, though he was always a little careful when he landed on Ardenote. They became good friends and Andrew was careful never to sit on Ardenote's food because that seemed to upset him. Flies and humans obviously had different customs.
Mostly the two friends talked theology and Andrew put his friend right about a lot of mistranslations.
When Ardenote was fully recovered he said goodbye to Andrew and returned home. He tried to teach others fly but they called him mad and scourned him. When Ardenote eventually died the fly language and the truths that flies knew were lost to humans forever.






* a fly way of laughing

2 comments:

  1. Ardenote was fucking nuts. OK?

    Also, if that fly could talk why did it have to talk in pidgin? If the stretch of the imagination can allow a fly to talk then it could also allow it to have good grammar and spelling. Even Robert can ......oh, I see what you mean.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Andrew's grammar improves toward the end...

    ReplyDelete